Thursday Doors (Happy Thanksgiving and Self-Care Poem)

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happy thanksgiving

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Sometimes a little self-care goes a long way….

Happy Thanksgiving to those in the States. 

 

Part 2:

I wrote today’s poem because earlier this year I ran into a lady I had not seen in a while.  

It is not really related to Thanksgiving, but I guess our blogs can have any themes that we want, right?

I always minimized this person’s “touch of coldness” as her response to being dealt a few bad hands, but then I saw that her “hands dealt” were not much worse than what most folks experience – and maybe some self-care was need for this person to grow. 

I am still wrapping my head around what I observed (and felt in her cold presence) and the following poem is what unfolded (just musing here, ok) as I was thinking about it today.  

I might NOT see her again for a long time, but maybe this is what I would tell her if I could slip a note UNDER THE DOOR for her to read:

~

Self-Care Poem

I met a lady 

who became quite the beyotch 

she was sick and tired 

of being sick and tired

she was drained

annoyed 

and 

“Done”

So she drew HER boundaries

pissed off annoyed…

chased most people away 

because that is what you do – 

when you are “done”

Those she could “not” chase away

she slowly lashed out

little by little 

like that dripping drop

 Proverbs talks about 

other times lashed out in waves

anger with a side of hate 

!

As the years rolled on…

more annoyed she became 

more hurt was ladled out

while still helping those in her path

and helping many, she does

so she has lots of love…

 helping family members

in dire need

ye it is with leaking misery

oozing at the seams…

More time passed 

more lack of self-care…

allowed the beyotch side to feed

and an Eeyore mood 

with  joy extinguishing  stampede 

 cynic comments 

 sloppily sprinkled…

the thud of her affect

has essence of steel!

She did not care

or did not realize

detachment was her choice

detachment helped her get by

because this is what you do 

when you are sick and tired 

of being sick and tired

!

Let us not be like this lady

let us not accept being “Done”

Let us not be the hurt that hurts back

let’s pause

look inside

and at least try….

to heal

and cope with what has ailed us

let’s find small beauty

tiny bits of fun

life giving Son

let’s do some self-care

stress released and deep lung air

that helps bring back life

and cope with mounting strife

and yes, we can draw boundaries too 

needed for a healthy milieu-

but don’t shut others out

this is not what life is about

we need each other

and it is worth effort

to work on self

like others do too!

So look in the mirror 

see through and through 

do you even see your misery? 

your burnout blamed on everyone else?

you have to open your eyes to the real “you”

not the perceived you

but see the one who minimizes and blames 

do you even see how you come across? 

all bitter and filled with tight

edgy, defensive – ready to fight…

 

Let’s all do needed self-care

so we can have a warmer essence

soften others with a touch of love 

instead of the iron glove!

Fix your burnout, dear lady…

so you CAN care again

it will help YOU in the end.

We all need to do our self-care

to prevent a life that feels only despair

Let us at least try 

to work on self….

not just adding more to pain shelf 

examine your

     tunnel vision 

     denial 

     faulty thinking 

    casting blame

   flaw finding 

   put down spirit

    ugliness 

and deep pain!

Let the heaviness go, my precious friend

Find resources

role models

I even have some stuff I could send

 Little changes happen easier than we think

just trying can lift the lid to eliminate stink

Take baby steps on the path of self-care

you will find the unexpected greeting you there

don’t accept DONE

don’t stay dejected…

you could have been growing 

with warmth resurrected 

if you stopped dishing out blame

stopped shutting everyone out.

Maybe if you took a hobby 

found some wise counsel

dove into helpful books

and put in some edifying stuff

you can allow the SUN back in

and stop being so rough. 

well maybe

just maybe

bitterness can be put outside in the cold

and a little bit of joy you could behold

 

 maybe 

just maybe

sloppy emotions can be checked

while tenderness is fetched 

A smile looks good on your face

and it is health to your bones

don’t withdraw – give things grace

 

 maybe

just maybe

you can be open to feedback 

accountability can become your friend 

after it is invited and allowed to come in! 

because after truth is rejected as absurd

there is churn

then the message is heard.

as we lift the flap to release

truth brings peace

clarity and self-care

a serious affair 

and yes

we don’t always “know how”

but we can learn!

it takes detective work

it hurts, might burn

but self-care washes clean 

the stanky buildup and gunk

vital signs come back

reducing the FUNK.

Don’t stay stuck 

resist the attack!

don’t accept “Done” 

Give that mentality a smack.

Don’t reject everyone

haven’t you noticed your mind says it is always someone else? 

maybe not…

maybe all that heaviness inside

has made you quite blind

because yeah, we get it – you’re fried!

your drained 

had all that shit happen

yeah, I feel bad for you too

but now you know what you have to do…

start working on you…

um, oh yes, yes you do –

and no, I am not yet through 

Life is not all fun

but it is not all gloom

there can be bloom

it is not all the heavy stuff you’re bringing 

 I am not saying to go around singing

even though if you did

it surely could help

so let out a yelp

songs forces out the blues!

Tunes help fine tune the wonderful you.

Self awareness is key…

so check on yourself 

see how you speak… 

as you think everyone else is so flawed

some thought of as stupid- 

you fail to see the growth of others

keeping labels you gave 20 years ago 

while your mounting angst

makes you a big ol’ crank

and you sort of come across as nice at times

but then have lines that grind 

saying things like

“It’s that side of the family that is all disjointed” 

“They visit me too much, I don’t go knocking on their door!”

“I guess I don’t mind helping, but we even have to pay for the stamp and those add up….”

“…. well…. You are too careless with your I love You’s – that is not how I use my words”

“I don’t have burnout.  NO! Why the heck would you say that. Geez…” 

 yes, messages behind those words

reveal all that stored up hurt

Oh please-

dear drained one,

please get the self-care you need

do it for you 

don’t do it for me

Do it for those around you

the ones exposed to your stanky seeds

Because as you live

scattering sloppy little digs

you leave hurt in your path

bad feelings in your wake

and what’s worse

for goodness sake

is that it is not good for your health 

 you are not fully “alive”

with all that gloom inside!

When you operate with such apathy

you hurt folks casually 

So come on now

it is time to thrive

don’t be so jive

 start thinking about your thinking 

and assess your behavior 

 then take baby steps

but PLEASE don’t stay “Done”

Get the self-care you need 

because I think you still bleed

and much wonderful life lies ahead

Don’t only see through a veil of dread.

 

~~

y.prior 2016

small-town-shop

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have a nice day and for more doors this week

check out norms blog here

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39 thoughts on “Thursday Doors (Happy Thanksgiving and Self-Care Poem)”

  2. Loved “sick and tired of being sick and tired” Well put and your poem is a whole lot of sound advice. Yet isnt it ironical, those who need it most will in all likelihood never read it or empathize with it. Once while trying to pep up someone who liked to crib, complain and belittle, I was stunned when she said, ‘dont take this away from me. I enjoy this very much.’ It has set me thinking ever since perhaps there are people who enjoy being unhappy? What we think is unhappy is their happy place? I somehow cannot still wrap my head around this – I dont know how to deal with this person. She is a very dear friend and to me unhappy, which makes me sad. But she says that this is her happiness, then it makes me even sadder for all the negativity she spews drags me down – as you can see very messy and confusing. Happy Thanksgiving 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hey DawD!
      Thanks again for your comment – and I think you might be quite right – those who need something like this will usually not be the ones reading it.
      It is interesting that your friend said to not take it away…
      Sometimes (not all the time) they still might really want to be better – but familiarity can be a soothing friend-
      And then coping mechanisms kick in and sometimes anger is revealed thru a statement like that – you know – maybe deep down the resentment got so bad it settled in and then acceptance allows survival .
      Then the person identifies with it almost as a personality trait that is to be accepted and adapted to – argh!
      Who knows – but do wish “wellness” resources were more available for people before it goes on and on and on ….
      💕

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Who could resist the Samba Queen terrier? 🙂 I was lured in for a party, Yvette. But found much care and seriousness. I do hope your friend finds a better way to be. Happy Thanksgiving, sweetheart!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know Jo – the poem is a bit serious and heavy – but it all flowed as I was posting and well – thanks for stopping by and Samba Queen says woof gobble woof 🍁

      Like

  7. Happy Thanksgiving, Yvette. I think we all know someone like the one in your poem. They try to drain us, as they themselves are drained. But that feeling is a choice, as you so aptly describe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Norah – thanks for the feedback
      And I don’t think it is completely a choice – like maybe the default is “done” and folks get stuck – and then things build as they don’t know what to do – so I have grace – believe me I do- but in this case i think a choice NOW must be made
      –
      To claw out of it
      To not stay stuck
      Ya know?

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks YC – appreciate the grace – and I am trying to keep my posts coming from the heart as opposed to thinking too much about what might “be” better
      Have a great day and very thankful to be blog friends

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family! ❤
    I like the poem and I think everybody can relate to it, we've all met people like the lady you're describing. I agree with what Dahlia said, in some cases misery is their own special breed of happiness, and they wrap themselves in it as though it were a nice, cozy, protective blanket. Making them change is taking their joy away, especially since some find great delight in spreading their unhappiness around. Dealing with such people is exhausting, even if you understand how they function. On a different note, I see a very strong connection between your poem and the holiday you're celebrating – after all, doesn't it all come down to the inability or unwillingness to let in those good things in one's life, be thankful for them and perhaps once in a while focus on them, rather than on all the tragic events?…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Ana – I enjoyed your comment so much – even tho I just found it in the spam folder – I am starting to check the spam and trash folders more because so many seem to plop there.
      And the lady about “dealing with them is exhausting even if we understand” is so true – and might even lead to where we have to draw boundaries to protect what we are exposed to….
      And I know that we can never “make” folks change – but sometimes (not all) I have think some folks accept too much and passively assume the hurt person is “enjoying” their misery – or we might assume they are too far gone to reach – or most of us don’t know “what” to say or do (because some of these situations are complex and then gets more intense with defensiveness and heightened emotions – and even fear – because some angry people can scare the sh** out of people)
      And so I think even the toughest, meanest, and grumpiest person has a chance to do self- work and get the care they need. But often don’t because there are few resources to help – and because there is little accountability as patterns are forged and habits grow – to where we juts say “that is just how he is…” or it is accepted they are “set in their ways” – and I am sure I have a naive optimism believing all folks can improve even a tiny bit! I do believe people are reachable – even those so far gone with years of being a harsh and yucky person- and this poem was an outpouring of that belief-
      Now how much a person changes – or even they do – depends on them of course – but with all my heart I believe people need more loving accountability – need us to speak up and call out their behavior – and need us to draw boundaries but also stick around if they are willing to at least try – and at least try and see how they deflect – detach- and diss others so much.
      And the timing of this poem had nothing to do with thanksgiving at all. Instead – it was months after seeing two different people – in different places – who lived in so much self-denial- and after seeing them this year – my counselor mind was pondering much! About the way they view their behavior and their life. So even though it was mainly about the one person, it was inspired by a couple of people who I know both need a wake up call about some needed self awareness!!
      The poem also was an outpouring of our Lady by the River book – which has me churning such topics this fall….
      Whew
      Thanks again for the comment Ana
      ✌🏼️❤️️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know what you mean about the comment issue, I also had several delivered to the spam folder for no good reason…
        Anyway, so much can be said on the topic we were discussing. I agree, boundaries are absolutely necessary, otherwise the person trying to help risks ending up worse than the person they’re helping because of all that emotional overload. Not much to do before they decide to work on themselves and to want to help themselves… Once in a while, I try to remind myself that simply because I might consider a path to be destructive, that might not apply to others, it might bring them the kind of satisfaction they crave, so I should probably stay out of it unless I see signs of struggle. Of course, that’s a lot easier said than done when it comes to somebody close…

        Liked by 1 person

  17. This is one stunning poem! A real tour de force! So deep and powerful! It gripped me and spoke right to my heart… I am truly amazed by those wonderful lines, there are far too many that leave a deep impression in me to recite them here but know, that I´ll keep your poem in my mind and think it over and over…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well thanks miss g – and I actually just modified this poem and used it somewhere else – which I will tell you about later.
      But I really appreciate the feedback – I wrote this version in one sitting and it just flowed – after a few weeks of thinking –
      Have a great day !
      😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That´s wonderful that you wrote it in one sitting! I can only imagine how it must have felt to bring this unto the paper! Keep letting your heart pour into those wonderful poems! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. oh thanks Miss G – and I have been writing little poems like this all of my life – so it is more of a processing for me – and just something I do like breathing and eating – ha!
          have a great day

          Liked by 1 person

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