…on Death and Dying

Posted on by Prior...

Hello readers,

My neighbor, Carroll, passed away yesterday morning. He was 75 and he had leukemia.

We smile to think of Carroll. We thought he was getting better – but obviously he wasn’t. My dad would say, “When your number is up, your number is up.”

Later, I was pondering this whole death and dying topic. That dash of space we get to live between the day of our birth and the day of our death. That “dash” is our existence and essence and when we see an obituary or attend a funeral, it sure does make us consider how long our “dash” will be and what we want to do with it. 

Photo: Two walkers – with very different life modes.

Then, I mused about aging:

“As we get older, the older folks get even older, and eventually, the older get so much older to where they expire.”

so deep… (lol)

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Some folks have an early death and it seems unfair. Others keep on living and it is puzzling as to how they keep on going. Some folks have abused their body and still have the gift of health and that baffles. Is it Genetics? Is it a powerful liver and strong immune system? Were they not exposed to radiation and harmful chemicals (i.e. like glyphosate from roundup). Were they spared from those bad heavy metals 🤟in water like so many of us are bombarded with today? Did they have strong gut health and a powerful recovery from microbes? Did they just get more sleep and that enhanced longevity? Did they have an awesome sex life and lots of healthy touching. Did they eat good meats (grass-fed) that gave nutrients as opposed to carbohydrate diets and fake meat or food loaded with chemicals like we have today? Did those blessed with a long life NOT have toxic dental work and not have poison leaching from their teeth? Did they laugh a lot and were they able to destress to help them live on? Hmmmm…

Have you ever herd of Jeanne Calment? She lived to be 120 years old (the actual age is debated) but there is a funny story connected to her longevity (here). When Calment was 90 years old (in 1965), a man named Raffray bought her fancy apartment (in Arles) with unique terms in the contract: he would pay her 2,500 francs (approx 500 dollars) per month and give her the right to stay there until she died – then he would get the place. Turns out, the buyer, Raffray, waited and paid that amount for 30 years until he died in 1995. Jeanne Calment died two years AFTER him, in 1997, and earlier she had commented on the contract by saying, “In life, one sometimes makes bad deals.”  And I guess the flip side of that is true as well: “In life, sometimes one makes GOOD deals” – Or they get really lucky – super blessed – and just have things line up for them in a way that baffles.

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It looks like we will be attending three funerals this month. Part of getting older, right, because we know that the older folks get even older and eventually – well – you know. 

And with that said, if anyone out there needs grief resources, you might want to check out Therapist Aid (here) – because they have some awesome resources – including great worksheets on grief and bereavement.

 For example, “Tasks of Mourning” 

https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/tasks-of-mourning-quick-reference

and “MY Stages of Grief” 

https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/my-stages-of-grief

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Here are some posts to check out on the topic of death and dying – I might come back and add a few more links later.

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Okay – wishing you a nice day and my thoughts and prayers are with those who are grieving – and may we all find hope and comfort when the pain of the loss stings.  Let us all remember to embrace today for it might be the last part of our dash: “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.”

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Bonus comic for an extra smile.

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77 thoughts on “…on Death and Dying”

    2. and John – one of your recent posts had a line that fits maybe with the theme of my post today
      – the snippet you gave about Alice
      ” ‘you cannot go most of the easy ways to get from there to here…’

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That last cartoon made me laugh. Sorry about your losses. I have seen so much death – young and old – and it never does make sense. Just best to keep living while we can.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I believe I have to agree with your Dad, Yvette. When it’s your time , it’s your time.
    Aceepting death as part of life is the only way to look at it. I’d hate to see myself at 90 looking like a wrinkled prune that no one wants to look at. It might be a very nice place in ‘The Great Beyond’
    The cartoon seems to say that.
    Sorry for your losses. May you find comfort in the memories they’ve left behind.
    Stay Safe 😷 Isadora 😎

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for your comment Isadora – that cartoon with little Billie is how I imagine heaven – well sort of – I expect a welcome team of many loved ones there to greet me – and a few fur babies
      🙂
      and side note – I bet you would look quite nice at 90 – because kind people seem to age well and they have a glow – so perhaps you would not like a big prune – and rather like a woman who lived a rich life with smile lines

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Awww … what gracious words, Yvette. Thank you … I have been fortunate to have great aging genes. A testament to my garandmother who looked 50 at 80 years old. I shall continue to SMILE for joy on our faces spreads happiness faster than frowns. Have a lovely Wednesday … Isadora 😎

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    1. Hi – thanks for your kind comment and we will celebrate nd treasure the time we did have with him – thanks for the reminder

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  13. I am sorry for your loss. We lost a neighbor a few years back and though we hardly knew him well, we miss him and his dog, and we still say “Jim’s house”. Every year when I bake over the holidays, I feel sad that I’m not taking him anything.
    I’m appreciating my dash. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Joey – I know what you mean about saying “Jim’s house” because we always referred to “carroll’s” – like “Take that to Carroll’s” or it was near “Carroll’s” – and you note about the baked goods – we bring neighbor’s treats too and this year we sent Carroll and his wife, Joan – fresh fruit and some healthier goodies – and it ws the first year he was there to greet us at the door – but he sent a text that it was appreciated – anyhow, I am appreciating my dash too – 🙂

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  14. HI Yvette, the concept of longevity is an interesting one as there is not real path to it. Some people do everything wrong, they eat, drink, smoke, and make merry and they live to be old. Others die young and it feels like a tragedy. I think the expression “when your times up, its up” is very true. Thank you for including the link to my poem here.

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  15. Yvette, beautiful reflections on the ‘dash’ of our lives. As young it feels as if we have eternity in front of us but only too quickly realise the need to reevaluate our concept of our time here. I am sorry for the loss of your neighbour Carroll and the hole he will leave in all your lives. Hugs xx

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  18. May memories of your friend bring you peace and smiles. I think the first death I can remember was a classmate in third grade. But over the past 60 years since then, my encounter with death is probably like almost everyone else’s. Yes – from the way too young to the how did they last that long … The expected to the unexpected. But as we age, we notice it more … more friends & relatives … more people we just know. We notice obits and news relating that age to ours. Then again, I’ve learned that everyone handles it differently.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Frank – you are so right that we all respond in different ways – and it sounds like you have coped with loss and seat from a young age –

      Also – like how you said this life brings
      “The expected to the unexpected”

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  19. An interesting post Yvette, with many points to ponder. Now at the ripe old age of 80 and Jack at 90 I occasionally wonder about these things, but, figuratively, shrug my shoulders. Yes what will be will be as the song goes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Pomme – and wow – did not realize that Jack was 90 – woo hoo – and then you being 80 – and I think I know what contributes to the longevity for the two of you – good love, garnering, art, and lots of joy – “am I right?”
      and yes,
      “What will be, will be.”

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Sorry to hear this Yvette, but your thoughts are what I hold to whenever mortality creeps into my mind. The idea that we are that “dash” is daunting but it’s also filled with hope. Hope that our essence will have filled that dash up well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hi sorry…less – the “dash” metaphor is not my original idea – I think I have been hearing baou that since the early 2000s (nothing new under the sun…)
      But it has really been on my mind as we see folks gone and their “stuff” here – collectible cars, art and then personal items – sobering reminder that we cannot take it with us (no U-haul near the gravesite) and stirs up a lot of thought about possessions and perspectives on “stuff” and other areas of life. hmmm

      🍃🌱🌿
      Also, you write about these sentiments quite often in your Rundown posts – and I have to add a quote from you that you ended your January 2nd post with – so good and really fits in with my “death and dying post”

      “Last year, there were a million moments of inspiration that helped to create things that will provide thrust to a million future dreams. And there were first teeth and first steps and first words and first ideas and first loves and first journeys . . . and another million such places that help steel the soul against all the many bitter losses. Because the firsts are what feeds our advance into the future. It shows us that here, right here and now, is where the ride begins.”
      ~ Marc Anthony https://sorryless.wordpress.com/2022/01/02/the-rundown-10/

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, you’re right. But the dash somehow feels as if it speaks to the times we’re living in. Although I’m sure it felt that very same way to those it touched when it was first uttered. Maybe I didn’t grab its relevance back then because there was so much personal upheaval going on in my life, we tend to do that, don’t we?

        And there I am!

        I wonder, how do you get a quote tucked into one of those “Quotes” web pages?

        Liked by 1 person

        3. Hi – well I actually have some of my quotes come from books – and I take a photo of the quote or fold back the page (but shhhhh – please do not tell that to the folks who hate when we “dog ear” the pages of a book) – ha
          and then I use “duck duck go” search engine for a quotes and a key word and see what comes up. Lately this has been disappointing because some sites are so friggin “ad heavy” I just exit right away – seriously M, the other day I was looking for a phrase (by Evan Esar) and the first two sites I landed on have advertisements every other block (what??) and then a lower right pop up video and a banner – (What the heck) – it was so busy and such a distraction – and then I wondered all the drive by cookies and all that – so tip – be careful of looking up quotes and maybe go to the third page before you click on the first page of suggestions as those are usually SEO ad stuff – something like that –
          not sure if that answered your question
          ??

          Liked by 1 person

        4. You done did answer my question and I have to plead guilty to Dog-Ear-Edness as I have been known to do it a time or several.

          I know Brainy Quotes and Good Books aren’t bad for looking up quotes. But yes, too many sites and WAY too many ads for my liking. And who knows what lurks in those pop-up ads . . .

          Like

        5. and see are some Evan Esar quotes I finally found (but not the one I was looking for)

          In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.

          There’s only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.

          Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

          Liked by 1 person

  23. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear neighbor, Yvette! You bring up excellent points about aging and the longer we each live, the more we attend funerals. In my neighborhood, we live amongst several elderly couples–I’m telling you, these are vigorous folks who successfully live in this rural environment now dealing with snow and ice. I loved the story of Jeanne Calmet as well as the cartoon of the happy dog Rex. Made me smile through a few tears. Have a blessed week, my friend!

    Liked by 2 people

  25. I’m sorry for your loss Yvette and three funerals in one month is a lot and it will be a very sad month for you. I do like the first photo showing the two different men and now they are “walking” past each other.

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    1. Hi Linda – thanks for the comment ❤️🙏
      and the month has not been too sad – more busy and over stimulating and hustling to get things done – there is still that vibe of death that can be quite sobering – but also a natural part of life.
      and thanks for the comment on the photo – I had that picture from January 2020 and it also reminds me of the period right before the pandemic hit

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve known many persons in the last year who have suffered medical issues, major ones, all unrelated to COVID, but these are all people around my age. Shakes me to the core and yes, death is a natural part of life, I do concede that.

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  26. So sorry for your loss, Yvette. Love the cartoons. Yes, we should live every day as though if we’re our last. Dying with no regrets is something we should all aspire to, but I’m sure few will achieve. Chris’s mom at 108, often says, “I don’t know why I’m still here.” She does realise how fortunate she is to have lived this long with no aches and pains. We should all be so lucky. 😅🙏🏻

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh Sylvia – 108? that is amazing and she sounds like a very kind person.
      I do wonder so much about longevity and assume it is a mix of genetics and life exposures (or lack of exposures)

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Thanks for a thoughtful and highly entertaining blog. It’s all about using the dash wisely and appreciating those we love while they are here with us.

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    1. Hi – thanks for checking out this post and appreciate your comment – and thanks for reminding us to appreciate and love on those who are still here with us.
      Cheers to “fully living while we are alive”
      🙂
      ~Yvette

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  28. I so look forward to the sure hope from the Bible to see our loved ones again here on earth! Acts 24:15 and John 5:28 in harmony with Psalms 37:29.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Shonnie that is a hope and promise I look froward to as well – yes indeed – ad I once heard someone talk about who will be on our welcome team when we get heaven – “what a day of rejoicing that will be” and no more tears – no more pain and not sure abut streets of gold – but the banquets and unity – oh yeah – and as you mentioned – the “harmony” – thanks for your comment

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    1. Hi Tierney, that man sure did make a lousy deal – and I am surprised they di don’t modify it over the years – out of grace and sympathy – ha –
      and thanks for reading this post – January was sure a “different” type of month with the funerals and stimulation the comes from that. Now winding down with some quietness – so that’s good

      Liked by 1 person

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